


and who needs love when there's Southern Comfort

by pigeonstatueconundrum



Series: These Things Move In Threes 'Verse [2]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Aromantic Bisexual Dennis, Aromantic Character, Canon typical alcohol use, Established Relationship, M/M, Queerplatonic Relationships, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Unhealthy Relationships, please read warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-18 23:58:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3588759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigeonstatueconundrum/pseuds/pigeonstatueconundrum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sharing his life with Mac has never really been a problem for Dennis, Sharing his bed is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and who needs love when there's Southern Comfort

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [who needs love when there's Southern Comfort - writing mix](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/104562) by pigeonstatueconundrum. 



> please read the warnings at the end, or not, do whatever you like I'm not your mum
> 
> as always comments are much appreciated, especially this this one, it was a bitch

Mac’s head is thrown back, the line of it stretches in supplication. His Adams apple bobs to a rhythm that Dennis, and only Dennis, can set. Every time Dennis bites at that taut supple line Mac tightens around him, breathless and praying for release. In one hand Dennis cradles Mac’s head as it lies like a worthy offering on the pillow. The other he runs down Mac’s heaving sides, fingertips brushing quivering skin on the edge of heavenly bliss. 

This was the body he has created with cajoling, praise and manipulation. Dennis looked upon his creation and saw that it was good.

“Please.” Mac whines, canting his hips urgently to find the elusive center of his pleasure. 

Dennis sucks at his earlobe until Mac’s pleading peters off into a wordless invocation.

“Then say it.” He orders. Dennis uses the hand cradling Mac’s face to pull him closer, thrusting at the perfect angle to turn his acolyte boneless with pleasure. 

“Holy shit, Dennis.” Mac gasps “I love you.”

Dennis quickens his thrusts, “Again.” 

“I Love you.” Mac repeats, “God, I Love you, I Love you.”

The invocation falling from his lips over and over until Dennis kisses him. he comes, Mac gasping his last declaration into Dennis’ mouth. 

And then Dennis waits, counting heavy panting breaths as Mac’s pressed their foreheads together. it gets too much, as it always does.

“You’re squashing me.”

Oh, Right.” Mac pulls away, the little sensual noise he makes as pulls off of him making Dennis spent dick twitch. 

“Get me a towel on the way out would you?” Dennis asked, “And don’t leave your shit in my room.”

He grabs Mac’s underwear from where he thrown it on the headboard and chucks it at Mac where he’s standing in the doorway. 

“Hey Dennis?”

Dennis wonders how Mac’s could think that tone is in any way subtle. “Just spit it out Mac or so help me God I will scratch you again.”

“I just wondered if I could sleep here tonight.” Mac’s eyes are huge. He looks like a Disney character. Like Bambi, all innocent and guileless. And Dennis is about to shoot Bambi’s mum. 

“Mac. No. We’ve been over this. You snore, and you leave your shit everywhere, and you steal all of my goddamn covers.” Dennis can’t look Mac in those eyes. “I need my space alright.”

He feels the towel land onto the bedspread. There is a small wistful sigh from the door way. 

“Alright. Night Den.” 

“Night. Mac.”

The lights are out and he is alone, the sounds of Mac’s own night-time rituals muffled by the closed door. Dennis cleans himself and gets under the covers. 

There is not kind way to say that Dennis cannot stand to share a bed with another person. 

There’s nothing wrong with him, he can force himself to do it if he’s drunk enough not to care, he just doesn't want to. It’s just; the feeling of another person invading his space during a time of vulnerability is untenable. 

When they are asleep people become grabbing hands and hot breaths on the back his necks. They want press close to Dennis and pin him down. They don’t even know they are doing it. It seems it is something everybody wants the moment the lights go out. No one told Dennis though. With their guards down, the wildest lovers and the most depraved partners will just settle down, like violent lions going to sleep with no fight. They seem to be seeking some kind of warmth that just leaves Dennis cold. 

Dennis had thought, had hoped, that having affection for a bed mate might help. It was only natural for him not to want to share his bed with those one night stands, whose only evidence of existence come morning was the tape in the bedroom cameras. But with a wife it should have been different. There are certain expectations that the word ‘wife’ entails, and sharing sleeping space is one of them. It was after that first night that the truth of the utter train wreck that was his marriage to Maureen Ponderosa had become only too apparent.

Dennis had spent most of that night staring at the ceiling as Maureen’s wheezing breath roared in his ear. He couldn't move, not knowing how to get comfortable with another body in a space that was solely his. Every time she had reached for him in sleep he’d flinched away. The hours spent in sleepless agony measured by the widening gap between their bodies as Dennis moved closer and closer to the edge of the bed. 

The thing with Maureen had ended, as train wrecks are wont to do, in complete chaos. Dennis had been worse off than he had been from the start, with only his tattered pride and a promise of alimony payments to remember the event by. His fantasy of being married with kids by forty was only that, a fantasy. The thought of having that sort of closeness had not translated into reality and that failing in himself really pissed him off. 

But this bed sharing thing is worse with Mac though.

Because Mac is nothing if not the sum of the parts he has stolen from others. He sees himself as Adam, created by a being that is both father and god; and Fatherhood and God-ship became synonymous a long time ago. Mac wants to be born in his father’s image, earthly and heavenly. But one is separated by prison bars, the other by antiquated interpretations of sin, both by distance and disinterest. He has spent his whole life cultivating himself into something that will successfully gain their approval. Mac is the seed that fell among the rocky soil and never grew because there was nothing to support him in the dirt, but will still futilely seek a light source that would give him no sustenance. 

All that passion wasted on the apathetic, it’s a shame for it to be all for nothing. 

There is something intoxicating in the tow of Mac’s worship. To be worthy of such love is to be the center of a one man universe. Every touch, look and smile is a tiny offering, tentatively offered again and again in the hope that this time it will be enough. And now these offering are his to claim by being the object of Mac’s adulation. All that Mac is he gives to Dennis, and all that he has he will share with him. Rejecting one crumb of this devotion is to confirm what Mac believes to be gospel, that he is not and has never been worthy.

And gods are supposed to love their disciples without reservation. By failing to be intimate with Mac the way the other man wants is deplorable. It makes Dennis is as bad as the other false gods Mac has worshiped through his life. And that will not do. 

So that is why the Bed Situation is so frustrating to Dennis. 

And for the record, Dennis is not happy with that capitalization. Because it has turned what could be argued to be a perfectly rational dislike of sharing bed space into a situation Dennis has to deal with. Dennis gets sex. Dennis is amazing at sex. And sex with Mac is religious experience mixed with that time there had been a gas leak in the bar. When they’d all been so lightheaded that they didn't realize what was wrong until a week later. So the fact there is a facet of sex that Dennis is not good at is utterly unacceptable. 

But yes, The Bed Situation, there has to be a way to solve it without having to resort to talking through feelings or something equally horrific. Because on the other side of that wall Mac is unhappy because of something that isn't Dennis’ fault, and that’s not fair.

It is two weeks later and they are drunk. 

Dennis is pretty sure he is about to brown out, black out or any other color on the spectrum. The whole bar smells of sewage, blood and bubble-gum shampoo. That morning Charlie had found a rat in walls that was the size of a loaf of bread. He’d then refused to kill it claiming anything that size had to have a soul, which had then devolved into an argument about how big something had to be to have a soul. Dee had insisted that animals don’t have souls. Then Charlie said that Dee had no soul then either because she was a bird. There had been a brief pause to develop the ‘Dee is bird’ theme, as was traditional. Then everyone had been shouting at each other until someone suggested that they enter Armitage Shanks II (They had established a name for the rat if not the validity of its soul) into a rat baiting competition run by one of Frank’s Bridge friends. Then Mac had wanted to wash Armitage Shanks II so he looked less suspicious and would ecru them more money in betting. So they had washed the rat, and after hours of avoiding being bitten they got quite good at it. So Charlie had decided to open Paddy’s as an animal grooming bar, and Dee had stayed with him. Dennis had gone with Frank and Mac to the rat baiting pit so he had no idea what happened in the bar while they were gone. Except that when they returned to Paddy’s with their winnings there had been a very tiny, very clean, very dead dog hidden in the back office. And so that is how the head of the Armenian Mafia’s wife ended up with a prize fighter rat in a leopard print carry cage and Dee had lost the top of her pinkie finger trying to get a diamanté collar on the neck of said rat. 

So, all in all, a good day was had by all. There was nothing like great company to improve an afternoon jaunt to the rat baiting pits of Philadelphia. Mac had even brought popcorn. He’d formed a bizarre connection to a one eyed dog that Denis suspected was sired by Poppins. It was probably a good thing they had been thrown out when they did or they probably would have had to take the mangy thing home. It had been nice with Mac though. It was the sort of thing they would have enjoyed doing before all the sex and The Bed Situation entered their lives. Being best friends with Mac has always worked so well, having someone to get him out of jams and peel apples for him is pretty sweet. Dennis almost regrets adding the sex to the mix, but then Mac pulls him into Paddy’s men room and sucks him off under a florescent bulb that won’t stop flickering, and Dennis knows in his heart that he really can’t be sorry for it.

It was late enough that the things they said they were putting off until tomorrow were now things they had to do today. Dee was still in the emergency room, or perhaps she had gone home, no one cared enough to find out. Frank had met Artemis at the rat pit earlier and so was presumably with her. No one really wanted to go out to the bins to check. As Charlie was leaving there seemed no point waiting around. And at any rate, Dennis was drunk enough that he could ignore the smell of rats and death on Mac if they fucked when they got home. 

Mac refuses to take the last steps to Dennis’ bedroom, lost in that needy stage where even a second away from Dennis is met with a whining pout. So Dennis pushes Mac down onto the couch and has him there. The alcohol is still humming in his veins making him sloppy and uninterested in proper technique as he sucks Mac off. There are fingers in him hair, holding onto Dennis as if he is going to get up and leave Mac and his erection on the couch. 

“Oh my God, Dennis.” Mac gasps. “I love…”

And Dennis can’t bear to hear it that. Not right now. He sucks his cock to the root and lets the rush of Mac’s orgasm drown the words that were about to come out. Dennis had barely swallowed the mouthful of cum when Mac was on him. His hand is on Dennis’ erection, pressing their foreheads together as he strokes Dennis to orgasm. 

And Mac is too, he’s just so… kind in that moment. He’s all soft eyed from his orgasm, his lips gentle where they quest for Dennis’. It’s awful. It was simple when they were breaking the plaster on the dry wall and cutting themselves by fucking on broken glass. Better when they spending Thursday nights watching Predator and Mac preached the benefits of body mass to an unengaged congregation of one. Their Saturday nights in the bar contesting the correct way to make moonshine and not setting fire to the place. When so much or his social time was taken up with screaming and fighting with his family, Mac used to be the only one he could sit in quiet non expectation with. But now the quiet has to mean something, an intimacy of a kind that Dennis does not want. 

When his orgasm comes, it is with the realization that he is the probably ruined this relationship. Dennis slides to the floor, head in his hands. 

“Dude, what’s wrong?” Mac voice rises in fear. Dennis knows his hands will already be raised looking for the source of Dennis’ distress. I’m right here, he thinks.

“Don’t say that anymore, okay.” 

“What?” Mac asked before his eyes widen in comprehension, “you mean… say I love you?”

“Yeah.” 

Mac snorts, “That’s bullshit Den. You love it when I say that.”

“Yeah, alright I do.” Dennis admits. There is no scenario in which Dennis does not love to be worshiped by Mac. “But that’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point.” Mac is angry now. Dennis knew this would happen.

“This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.” Dennis lent his head back until it rested on the sofa, gazing at the ceiling instead of Mac who is shifting into a sitting position. “I didn’t want to have a conversation about our feelings and shit.”

Mac bumps his knee against Dennis’ shoulder, “If it’s any consolation we are probably too wasted to remember this in the morning.” 

“Well, yeah. It’ll be consolation then, what about now?” 

Dennis shifts, might as well be comfortable. “What do you want me to say? I don’t love you in the way you love me. I don’t think anyone loves anyone that way. I mean, your ‘love’ is pretty creepy dude.”

“This is coming from the guy that wanted me to brush my teeth before I give you a blowjob.”

“You had eaten five bags of Cheetos.”

“That’s not the point.” Mac interrupted, “If you don’t want me to say I love you there has to be 

“It’s complicated, I just don’t lo…”

And there it is

 

“I know that you don’t love me dude.” Mac says. Dennis has to look over at that. “I don’t expect you to love me. It doesn’t matter because the sex is so awesome, and I’m okay with going to hell for it. I think if only one of us is in love with other it’s not as gay anyway.”

“That makes no sense dude.” Dennis replies, turning to fully face Mac. 

“Whatever dude. I don’t have to explain it to you.”

It is quiet. At least this time that stupid intimate expectation is gone. 

“You make it sound so awful.” Dennis says. “It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s that I don’t want all that romance that comes with it.”

Mac still looks dejected. 

“I mean we’re blood brothers dude.” Dennis tries to explain “I love you like a brother, but like, more.”

“Are you saying,” Mac says slowly, “That you love me like the McPoyles love each other.”

“If you suggest that again,” Dennis says “I will smash you head in with an ashtray.”

Mac is laughing. Dennis tentatively sits next to him on the couch and he shifts to accommodate him. 

“I will do it.” Dennis assures him. “Don’t you doubt me?”

“I would never doubt your capacity for violence dude.” Mac sobers as he turns to regard Dennis, “So what do you want?”

Dennis shrugs, “I dunno. What we had before was good. I mean with the living together and monthly dinners and the breaking into Dee’s flat to move all her stuff an inch to the left and stuff.”

“I like all that stuff too.”

“But the sex is awesome too; I don’t really want to stop that.” Dennis admits

“Same. I don’t see why we would we have to?”

“Because of all the other stuff that comes with it.” Dennis explains, “You know, the romance stuff, hand holding, and putting each other first and bed sharing.”

Mac thinks about it. “Then we just won’t do all that.”

“I think you have to do that stuff for it to be a proper relationship though.” Dennis insists. “I can’t even share a bed with you like a normal person Mac.”

“Yeah but why would we want to be like normal people.”

Dennis stares at Mac, “You’d be okay with none of the intimate relationship stuff.”

Mac shrugs, “You were right dude. What we had before was good and with the sex it’s even better. We can have a friends with benefit situation but like the extreme version or something where we like pay or taxes together.”

“Mac, you don’t even pay taxes.”

Mac waves this aside, “Not the point dude.”

“So you’d be okay with not sharing a bed then.” Dennis asked, treacherous hope returning.

“Why are you so fixated on the bed thing?” Mac sighed. “Yes, I am fine with it.”

Dennis grin mirrors Mac’s, “Okay. Extreme Friendship. I can do that.” 

“Yeah!” Mac holds up a hand for a high five. Dennis slaps it and it feels like a kiss.

That night Mac brings in blankets and the air bed he slept on the year they lived at Dee’s into Dennis’ room. After they fuck, Mac goes to sleep there. That is when they realise they forgot to blow it up before they had sex. They spend the rest of the night looking for the air pump before giving up and Mac just goes to sleep on the floor. It’s nice. 

Between the two of them they will find a way to ruin it. Or one of the others will stick their nose where it doesn't belong. But they can do that tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS FOR: Unhealthy relationship dynamics, narcissistic personality disorder, brief mentions of death and torture of animals
> 
> It is weird to recommend extra reading for this fic but here we are. If you want to read understand Queerplatonic relationships or want more info on aromanticism look here https://thethinkingasexual.wordpress.com/identity-attraction-relationship-terms/
> 
> This was a personal one to write. hope you enjoyed
> 
> as always I'm at http://pigeonstatueconundrum.tumblr.com, come and say hello


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